Citizen You!

Helping Your Government Help Itself

Will you be ready when FBI agents break down your door in the middle of the night to administer the annual Patriotism Pop Quiz? Avoid the embarrassment of permanent, extralegal incarceration. Buy Citizen You! now and memorize before it’s too late! This is the only citizenship manual chosen by U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft as mandatory reading under an obscure provision of the USA PATRIOT Act.

  • Illuminate your body, mind, and soul with the cleansing light of Freedom™ that shines from the pages of this powerful handbook!
  • Read the only straight-shooting, authorized, legally binding code of behavior capable of saving you from mistakes of thought and deed that could land you in the clink forever!
  • Learn what it means to be a good American, and how you can impress the authorities so that they’ll leave you alone!
  • Teach your children to respect God, the flag, our nation’s brave Presidential Appointee George W. Bush, and most of all, Dick Cheney!

Be a better American than your neighbors, then turn them in to the Department of Homeland Security for their traitorous behavior!